Mother Russia

Outside the Kremlin
Walking in The view from Nastya's kitchen window

Dinner with Nastya and her roommates

Propaganda for Russia's national campaign to increase family size

Sergeiv Posad



Inside an Orthodox church

What's left of communist activism; a procession through Red Square.

Icons Lenin and Marx

Everyday life on the electritchka
Tanya and me en route to Sergeiv Posad
Dostyevesky's grave
largest micky d in the world
Stalinist architecture

St. Petersburg
Birthplace of the October Revolution
Cafe Literati


My Greek friend and me

more st. petersburg...

Ice skating in the Red Square

Nastya's aunt and uncle: Valaerii and Galina who were very gracious hosts to us last weekend.

Moscow State University

This is too funny!

January 3, 2008

A User’s Manual to Seat 21C
By Wayne Curtis

CONGRATULATIONS ON SELECTING SEAT 21C! This manual is intended to familiarize you with the many options available to you.

Before BUCKLING in, please note that the man standing in the aislenext to you is about to make a request. He wonders if it would beokay for you to switch seats with his wife, who is in the middle seatthree rows ahead. She is the one seated between the former linebackerand the canola oil salesman, and is peering over the seatbacks at youwith wide and imploring eyes.
The man will ask this in a voice sufficiently loud that allpassengers seated within several rows will look up from their sudokupuzzles and await your answer. If you say no, the passengers will allwonder: Why do you hate married people? You must be a bitter andlonely person. Note also that there is no overhead luggage spacethree rows ahead, so you will have to wait for the entire plane toempty to come back and retrieve your bags. Have a good flight up at 18E!

Once permanently seated, grasp both ends of SEAT BELT and pressfirmly together. If you hear only a dull metallic clanking soundrather than a smart “click,” extend half of the seat belt to yourseatmate and awkwardly suggest that he must be sitting on your half.

If you would like a small and insubstantial PILLOW and cannot locateone, ring the flight attendant call button located directly overhead.If the flight attendant does not appear within five seconds, pressthe button repeatedly and with increasing urgency. If the flightattendant tells you no more are available, wait five minutes andrepeat process.

On either side of you is an ARMREST. If you look down and see that itis currently occupied by the ham-sized elbow of your seatmate, it isoften possible to claim your space by simply pressing your clammyforearm against his with a casualness that suggests that you hadn’tnoticed that you were even touching. (Note: this is effective chieflyin man-to-man seating configurations.)

Ahead of you is the marsupial-like SEAT BACK POUCH. In it you willfind a magazine featuring ads for foreign language software favoredby farm boys hoping to impress hot Italian models; an emergencyevacuation card depicting families who seem disturbingly calm forpeople about to abandon a sinking airliner for a shark-filled ocean;stray bits of Life Saver foil; and a boarding pass stub from someonenamed Richard from Ohio.

Also, you will find the SKYMALL CATALOG, from which you may order aproduct called “Poop Freeze,” described as a spray refrigerant that“chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer ‘crust’ that enablesyou to quickly place in a bag and dispose.” Feel free to spend theremainder of the flight trying to process this information.

Once the plane is airborne, you may RECLINE YOUR SEATBACK by pressing the button inside the armrest. If you chose not to recline, be aware that the person ahead of you will soon do so fully and abruptly, causing sharp discomfort on and around the patella but rewarding you with a panoramic view of several acres of scalp. You may mitigate this situation, at least psychologically, with a loud and audibly moist “sneeze,” or by directing your personal air jet to the top of the encroaching head.

Directly ahead of you is the TRAY TABLE, which may be lowered for“snack service.” The circular depression in the upper right corner isfor your plastic cup, an item you may find oddly wide-mouthed forsomething conveying sticky beverages in an environment subject tosudden and dramatic up-and-down and to-and-fro motions. Also, notethe cup is designed such that empty mylar pretzel pellet bags stuffedin them to facilitate trash collection will not remain there, but will repeatedly and mesmerizingly creep back out and onto the tray table.

Once the plane arrives at its destination, be aware that yourSEATBELT BUCKLE is specially designed to disengage most efficientlyif you place your hand on it for several minutes prior to arrival atthe gate. The instant the seat belt sign is turned off and the softgong sounds, snap it open vigorously, then swiftly stand up and lungefor the overhead bins. Those seated on the aisle should immediatelyadvance one or two rows before others crowd in and hinder forwardmotion. Those in window seats should also stand immediately, adaptingthe attractively hunched Cro-Magnon stance under the luggage bins forthe 12 minutes before your row is released for deplaning.

We hope that you find your seat comfortable and your flight pleasant.We know you have a choice of many other seats, and we thank you forchoosing SEAT 21C.